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Meanwhile, the foreign spouse must be courageous while also being patient. The foreign spouse must live life in America fully, but the foreign spouse must also take the necessary time to adjust and grow into that new life. The foreign spouse must also remember that the American spouse probably has no training to be a teacher of American culture.
Both spouses must be willing to make many mistakes, forgive many hurts and misunderstandings, and to go forward: holding hands and laughing with the mistakes.
Most marriages between Americans and foreigners are made in one of two ways. The most common way is that the man and woman meet, they learn each other (they «get to know each other»), they fall in love, and they get married. The other way is with members of certain cultures: the marriages a
Показать всеre arranged by the parents.
Sometimes, however, people are looking for a mate. Often, they use a website that lists photos and information about other people who are looking for a mate. These websites and the companies which offer them are called by various names: personal ads, dating agencies, introduction agencies, marriage agencies and so on. In reality, they are the modern version of matchmakers.
However, when the websites involve mostly foreign women who are looking for a mate, they are often called «mail order bride» websites. That term is pejorative: it implies that these people (usually women) are items which can be ordered and delivered like a sack of potatoes. However, the name is commonly used, so I refer to it here. Nevertheless, the better term is «international matchmakers»3 because that is what these companies are: matchmakers whom help people from different nations to find a mate.
There are myths about international matchmakers and their clients.
The first myth is: «most of the foreign women who are looking for American husbands are only looking for a green card, and most of the marriage companies are only looking for money.» That is not true, for reasons I discuss later. However, it is true that some women are only interested in the green card, and it is true that some matchmaker companies are only looking for money. The disreputable women are usually easy to detect. They usually «fall in love» immediately (after one or two or three emails) with the American. They usually have English that is too good. (The fakers don't make funny-sounding mistakes; the genuine women usually make many mistakes in their English.) Also, the fake women usually ask for money (for a sick relative, for food, etc.). The disreputable companies are also usually easy to detect. They usually offer pornography or many nude photos of women. They charge high prices for every little service. Also, they try hard to entice Americans to purchase «tours» or other services (sending flowers, etc.), but they do not try hard to help people make a good match for marriage. In short, the fakers are usually easy to spot because they (the fake women and the fake companies) are about money and fantasies instead of the realities of marriage.
There are also realities about international matchmaking and being married to a foreigner. Скрыть
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